Skip to content

Steps to Leave an Abuser

If this in an emergency or you feel that you or others are in immediate danger, CALL 911!!!!

If you feel threatened and there is a fire arm in the home or readily available, CALL 911!!!!!

If they are threatening to kill you, someone else, or themselves, CALL 911!!!!

Even if you have knowledge of the warning signs, and do your best to protect yourself from becoming a victim, it can still happen. 

All too often.  Our program is designed to prevent you from ever finding yourself in this scary position, but here you are.  So, what do you do now to get help and to get out?  Follow these steps, and remember to stay alert and use caution.  Also remember that no matter what the circumstances are, YOU DO NOT DESERVE to be abused in any form, YOU ARE NOT TO BLAME, and you are BRAVE!!!  We believe in you and are here to help you through this, step by step!

What you are about to read may cause your fear and or anxiety and worry.

Fear of physical or verbal abuse escalating is very real, and we want you to be safe during the transition out of this abuse.  It is very important that you listen to the steps and advice carefully.  Most IMPORTANTLY is that you understand that the reality of not leaving, will almost certainly be more of a risk to your safety, and possibly even your life.  99% of the time, they do it again!!  It gets worse, and the only way to save yourself and your children if you have them, is to LEAVE and NEVER GO BACK.  NO CONTACT once the move has been made, no matter what they say or do!!

Make a safety plan!

With the help of a professional Domestic Abuse Expert if possible.  If you do not know where or how to reach one, call a hotline.  1-800-799-SAFE. The most dangerous time is when you leave, and each situation and level of abuse is unique and should be handled delicately. 

Your safety plan should include:

A place to go

Family? Friend? A shelter or church facility? Make sure that you pick a place where your safety is most protected. Avoid known places that you can be found, or anywhere that would put you in the predicament of being alone.

A GO BAG

Get a GO BAG ready and hide it somewhere that you can easily grab it and exit. It should include your important documents, limited clothing, phone numbers and addresses, cash or change if possible, credit cards or debit card, toiletries, medications you need, insurance information, and any prized small possessions that you can’t live without. Keep it light and only take what you must to survive for a short time until you get to your destination.

Delete your computer files

Or save them to a driver, change all of your passwords on social media accounts, bank, email and other accounts. If he can track you from your cell phone, leave it behind!! Go to a place of business or ask someone to use their cell phone once you’re at a safe distance. Gather any paperwork or items that reveal any of your personal information, or that have the information of anyone he can contact to try and locate you.

Do not give any hints or clues to the fact that you are planning to leave. Verbally or in your actions.

Be as secretive as you can not to get caught in your preparations or your actual exiting. Pick a time that you know they will be at work, away, or even sleeping. It is best if you can to make your escape while they are not in the home or nearby. Figure out the date and time, and stick to it!!!!!

If you have children, make a plan with a trusted family member or friend to pick them up from school that day if they are in school.  If they are not, and they are small, your exit plan should include a car of your own, or having somebody arrive promptly to come get all of you with the car seats and necessary baby items ready.  If they are in school, notify the school of whats going on so that they can assist you and not release the kids to the abuser or give any information as to your whereabouts.

Once you’ve left, go directly to the courthouse and file for a protective order. If you cannot get to a courthouse, a shelter can help you with this, as can the police.

THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT STEP

Once you have left, report any attempts to contact you, call, email, harass, stalk etc immediately to the police.  DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES HAVE ANY CONTACT OF ANY KIND!!!  Do not give in to pleas they may make to you or others to give messages to you.  Do not be weak and agree to have contact yet for the kids sake either.  You need to stay hidden and silent from them.  They will try to apologize and manipulate you back, this is the most DANGEROUS TIMEE.  Stay smart, alert and safe!!